Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
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His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
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I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize