went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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