dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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