I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
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