dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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