Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
