I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
