respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
