Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
