Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
