So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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