saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
