This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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