There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
