last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Randomize
