he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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