She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
