I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
