He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
