Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
