Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(334): View more from Alabama

nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.

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(224): View more from Illinois

he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number

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(515): View more from Iowa

Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

You're barking up the wrong lesbian.

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(303): View more from Colorado

He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.

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(857): View more from Massachusetts

You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".

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(707): View more from California

I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude

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(250): View more from British Columbia

You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?

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(419): View more from Ohio

His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.

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