cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
