Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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