just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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