you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
