Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
