I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize