What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
