Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
