i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
