there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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