Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
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