It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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