last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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