i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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