Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
