my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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