he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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