These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
