I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
