I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
