So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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