Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
