She's JV to your varsity
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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