oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
