I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
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