i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
