somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
