so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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