u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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