I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
