My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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