really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
