Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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