Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
