if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
His nipple licking is glorious
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