Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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