just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
