is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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