mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
