apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I touched a dick in church today
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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