youre lurking in front of me
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
