one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
