I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I think people are normalizing furries
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
