6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I came so hard my ears popped.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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